so if youre lonely...you know im here waitin for you.

so i just put away all my laundry andd UNPACKED...only took two days, that neeeverr happens. anyway, i sat down w some red just in time to catch the end of silversun pickups on unplugged. jackpott. i even caught them singing lazy eye

so i saw j last night. well...i actually saw him monday night at the bar. first time since not talking for a month, we were cordial at the bar, i didnt really speak to him..just let him drool at me from across the bar. anyway..he came over last night and it made me so happy. its weird because this whole time ive cried over him and been so so sad, and ive wondered what i would do if i saw him or if he contacted me. every tells me how absurd and immature he is, which i so agree with. if he didnt want to be with me, for whatever reason, he should have had the balls to tell me to my face. with that said, i have missed him every single day like i used to miss him when we were together and i wouldnt see him for a couple days because of our schedules. it hurt a lot. i thought about him so much. ive never felt like that before, and ive never been so let down.

now seeing him, im even more confused. its weird because before i went away, people were like oh ya, you gonna call him when you get back...ask what the fuck happened? and i really didnt even want to, what would i even say? but while away, i was like im gonna do it, im gonna do it...then that night i bumped into him, which was bound to happen. anyway, i just dont know what to think.

i know some of it may be me, but its him too. and i know people are going to tell me im a fool to go back with him this soon, and i dont even know if i want that, but i cant help how i feel about him. we've agreed to see what happens and start hanging out again, but now im so scared of him just cutting off again. and its hard because with him being older, it automatically makes things more serious, and is this what i want? do i want someone that works every single day, during the worst hours. i dont even know what i want, or what im expecting. i was so sad when i wasnt with him, and when he was here i was happy and satisfied, so i guess that says a lot. we"ll see.

i'll probably be crying again in a week.

i LOLing at jimmy kimmel...looks like jersay shore is in miami! puke

missed whits call tonight! miss you PIC!!!